08 December 2006

Korekt Grammers

Prometheus had an active day, blogitavely speaking. He came upon a few new sites. Some great, some pathetic. Found a gem that he wants to share. A blogger-friend-in-absentia calls herself a 'grammar whore'. Now, Prometheus doesn't claim to be a Grammar Gigolo, but the alliteration is attractive, wot?

Therefore and hereunder, we present; The Rules of Writing Good.

  1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
  2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
  3. The adverb always follows the verb.
  4. Employ the vernacular.
  5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
  7. Remember to never split an infinitive.
  8. Contractions aren’t necessary.
  9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  10. One should never generalize.
  11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
  12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
  14. Be more or less specific.
  15. Understatement is always best.
  16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
  19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
  23. Don’t never use a double negation.

  24. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
  25. Do not put statements in the negative form.
  26. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
  27. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
  28. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
  29. A writer must not shift your point of view.
  30. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
  31. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!!!!!
  32. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
  33. Writing ! carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
  34. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
  35. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
  36. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
  37. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
  38. Always pick on the correct idiom.
  39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; they’re old hat; seek viable alternatives.

That's all folks!

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18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Avoid alliteration. Always?
Yes. Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliterations. Additionally, don't obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.

Anonymous said...

Maybe, just get to the point, enjoy the mess, admit to be child of a grammatically lesser god.

Kartik said...

Crap i do all of the above, haha. it had me in splits, everyone in the lab is looking at me like i've gone crazy.

Anonymous said...

38 POINTS AND NO THIRD PERSON BULLSHIT? ARE YOU FORGETTING YOUR DELUSIONAL GRANDEUR? CAREFUL NOT TO FORGET IT THE CHICKS SIMPLY LAPP IT UP.

Yaxlich said...

Yaxlich thinks Prometheus is very clever and makes Yaxlich laugh.

Yaxlich has no idea what this third person bullshit is that anonymous is referring to.

Anonymous said...

Okay. I REFUSE to read beyond point one, because I laaaaaaaaaaaaaaav alliterations.

so much that...

ai a-laav all alliterations.

Anonymous said...

Okay. And Prom bwoy, Anon has it for you officially.

this is your third post he's pooped on.

[takes me back to junior school, when all boys had germs and we'd sing loudly and viciously - 'someone has a crush on yooooooooo! la la la la la la la']

Prometheus said...

Awrite Jules, ya don't hafta one-up Prometheus. Ya don't want alliterations in more languages than English comin yer way, do yuh?

Driver maan, Grammatically Greater Gods are Gawksome, wot?

Kartik dude, Prometheus enjoys your posts too. He's always happy to add some mirth.

Yaxlich should know that Prometheus looks up to him as a far more powerful Jedi at humor. He is yet a Padawan. Who said anything about third person? Surely, Prometheus cannot be expected to stoop so low to take cognizance of such mistakes of nature.

H, however humongous or hlittle is hilariously humorous. The germs have anon, Prometheus thinks.

Anonymous said...

That's an excellent post. Glad I never make any of those mistakes. Reverse psychology, wot?

Anonymous said...

I was not trying to go one up on you. Just wanted to contribute to your brilliant compilation, Prometheus (Saahib.)Hehe

Anonymous said...

Alliterations is an awesome aid we writes with!!!!!!!

Okay, that was sad. I ain't too witty, but I haven't had my coffee yet. You've got a closet fan, mon ami. Your blog draws him/her back time and again. :-)

Anonymous said...

Oh, P.S:
You wanna come up with alliterations in other languages?Be my guest.
All I can say is:
Karkuni kaljachya karmadaridri kothadit kalakutt kalokh asla tari tethe tujhya tivra preeticha tava satat taplela aahe.

XOXOXO

Prometheus said...

Sorry to have missed ya on Meebo Lizzie. And good to have you here. As regards the closet fan, Prometheus is enjoying this mindgame.

Jules mon amour, oh-so-unromantic Prometheus was thinking of Kale kakuni Kale kakanche kamache kore kaagad kaatrine kara kara kaapun kachryachya kundit komble. But your take was mind-blowingly romantic. Prometheus has "fallen in luurrve".

Anonymous said...

"Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake."
- How do u think so these things?? hahaha!

Anonymous said...

This colorful blog has some priceless writing tips. Sadly, it is now defunct.

MD said...

I LOVE this post!

Prometheus said...

Jules, Prometheus wonders if the author of 'Crappy Journalism' got dooced.

Great to have you back here, MD.

terra shield said...

I'm guilty of no 6. All the time. :)

And many others too...

Enjoyed this post, though :D