27 September 2006

Talk to the Finger

For the Hand don't wanna listen.

The Citizen Partnership Initiative of the hallowed Autocratic Government of The Moving (Middle) Finger Writes has bestowed upon you, the mortal citizens of this blog, the privilege of Talking to The Moving (Middle) Finger that writeth herein.

The Government shall accept all your praise and applause. Use the Meebo box at the top right of this page and join your fellow mortals in glorifying the noble Autocratic Government.

Terms of Use:

  • Non-applauding Talkers shall be treated under prevalent Treason Laws.
  • That which is said can and will be held against the Talker in our proprietary courts.
  • The Autocratic Government reserves the right to bill any Talker a random amount as it deems fit.
  • By continuing to exist you accept these and any other conditions that the Autocratic Government has imposed or may impose in the future, like but not limited to acquiring your soul as Property of the State.

26 September 2006

Ism Schism

Prometheus has made common his derision for humanity. He has experienced casteism/racism/generalization, though not as a direct participant. India is strewn with casteist politics, the most recurrent theme being caste-based reservations in education. The UAE has a great storm raging over nationals versus expats, to the extent that Prometheus has heard tell of a school text that depicts a skeleton captioned 'The Extinct National'. The West has already equated Muslims with terrorists, so much that a Sikh gets shot at for having a beard like Someone Who Flies Planes into Buildings. Some blog that Prometheus came upon went on about how Whites and non-Whites don't get along. Sunnis and Shiites have been blowing each other up for quite some time now. And these are modern times. Prometheus hasn't yet gone into the ages of the KKK or the Crusades.

His blogstipation partially stemmed from recent events. Events that, if blogged about, would result in a flame war. Like this one on the otherwise wonderful Secret Dubai blog. And blogs are anyways the works of "some acned 12-year-old in his parents' basement recycling rumors from the Internet echo chamber"

One power-struggle-affected attempt at creating a European Union, one failed attempt at a Common Language, no known attempts at a Common Religion and a history of division and bloodshed prompts Prometheus to wish for the end of the world. How ironic, Prometheus feels, to say 'Prometheus hates all humans'

Nice 50th post that. Wot?

24 September 2006

Tag, Heuer it

Prometheus, devoid of ideas bloggable, found an excuse for a post when his friend Yaxlich tagged him. He was tagged by Lizza with a book meme, but it hurt way too much to name just ONE book for every question. Yaxlich, being a kind Englishman, tagged Prometheus with this:

  1. The last movie you saw in a theater, and current-release movie you still want to see.
    Prometheus, like his friend Yaxlich, last saw Revenge of the Sith, an aeon ago. He loves Star Wars, even more than President Reagan. Prometheus explains his single status by telling people that he is a Jedi and is thus forbidden to take a consort. This way people think of him as just mad, not gay. Not to say that gay is worse than mad, but it helps gay folk understand that Prometheus is not available. Prometheus is woefully out of touch with current releases.

  2. The last movie you rented/purchased for home viewing.
    The Lord of the Rings, all three of them. He has read the book twice and is currently researching the Races of Arda.

  3. A movie that made you laugh out loud.
    Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, The Three Amigos, .. um.. does Prometheus have to stop?

  4. A movie that made you cry.
    Spiderman. It wasn't a biotech bug, MJ wouldn't be that dowdy on a bad everything day and subway people don't get to pore over Spidey's unmasked face. As the favoritest superheroes of Prometheus, he was aghast at the misrepresentation of truth.

  5. A movie that was a darling of the critics but you didn't think lived up to the hype.
    Prometheus doesn't recall any. Much time has passed since he critiqued the critics.

  6. A movie that you thought was better than the critics.
    Movies are generally better than critics. If Prometheus were to assume the question is the opposite of the one above, he would say Godfather, Scent of a Woman and some such can never be rated high enough.

  7. Favourite animated movie.
    Shrek, closely followed by Space Jam. Prometheus loves Bugs Bunny and Elmew Fudd. You better wike them too, or Sir Prometheuf will speaw you with his wance.

  8. Favourite Disney Villain.
    Refer (5) above.

  9. Favourite movie musical.
    Chicago, for mon darling Catherine Zeta Jones and Richard's razzle dazzle.

  10. Favourite movies of all time (up to five) in no particular order.
    Top Gun (cheesy, but Prometheus always wanted to do inverted negative 3G dives at Mach 2)
    Star Wars, all of them (still counts as one)
    LOTR, just like Star Wars above
    Finding Forrester
    Sholay (Bollywood's biggest ever movie)
    That is six even by fudged numbers, but Prometheus claims temporary loss of ability to count.

As with tag games, Prometheus must tag five people. Prometheus doesn't want any of his friends to be left out so he tags all that read this. Can't help it. Prometheus has always been this way. The Association of Genies avoids Prometheus like a lead-sealed bottle for his first wish is for a umptillion more wishes.

Tag, you're it.

16 September 2006

Poetry 202

Ouch, that big word
The fear of ridicule
of being termed absurd

Believe in yourself,
Believe in your art
Let people laud
Or let them fart

Take your pen everywhere
Bed, office, and also to the loo
Whether asleep, at work
Or even while you poo

Shut out the cynics, but let
Constructive criticism permeate
Today they smirk, tomorrow
They'll dub thee Poet Laureate

13 September 2006

The End of a Reich

The man devoid of facial hair. He of the big chin. The perfectionist. The champion of champions. The Rainmeister, Herr Kaiser, Michael Schumacher.

Schumi announced his retirement from Formula 1 after winning Ferrari's home GP. Three more races to the end of this season, and a reich, an era will come to end. This man debuted at Spa Francorchamps in 1991 as a replacement driver. His first race ended before he could drive a kilometer, thanks to a broken clutch. Benetton snapped him up and he gave them points from just his second race.

Controversy and Schumacher have been bedfellows. The 1994 incident where he rammed race leader Damon Hill in the title decider race to claim the championship by one point. He was also part of the darkest hour of Formula 1 at Austria in 2002 where 'team orders' were issued to his teammate Rubens Barrichello who was the race leader to step aside and let Schumacher win so as to give him extra points in the championship stakes.

But this man has also been part of some of the most memorable races. His maiden victory at a wet and slippery Belgium in 1992, on account of a brilliant tyre-change decision and another victory at Belgium in 1995 having started from 16th on the grid got him the title 'Rainmeister'. In 1998, at Hungaroring where overtaking is nigh impossible, he made history of sorts when he made three pitstops and covered 25 seconds in 19 laps to take victory.

He holds every record in Formula 1 and the following stats show the margin of his lead.

Most wins at one circuit
8 Michael Schumacher
6 Ayrton Senna, Juan Manuel Fangio

Maximum Pole Positions
68 Michael Schumacher
65 Ayrton Senna

Start to Finish (Pole and Victory)
40 Michael Schumacher
29 Ayrton Senna

Hat Tricks (Pole, Fastest Lap, Victory)
22 Michael Schumacher
11 Jim Clark

90 Michael Schumacher
51 Alain Prost

Podium Finishes
153 Michael Schumacher
106 Alain Prost
80 Ayrton Senna

Career Points
1354.00 Michael Schumacher
798.50 Alain Prost
614.00 Ayrton Senna

Prometheus never thought he would so admire the Kaiser. He adored Ayrton Senna. None but Ayrton Senna, arguably the best driver even today. Ayrton did his things without any of the gadgetry found on cars today. Prometheus hated Schumacher back then, as he hates Alonso now.

Prometheus was standing in for a tour manager, conducting a gaggle of 40 senior citizens vacationing in Nainital, a scenic mountain town in India and missed the only race in 3 years. Upon his return to Mumbai, he learnt that MTV had gone off air and Senna had died. In days past when safety wasn't paramount, Senna was entering a corner when his steering column came off. He hit a concrete wall at Tamburello at 190 kph, slowing down from nearly 300 kph. The G Force snapped his neck.

History is set to repeat itself when Prometheus, having missed every race this year, might miss Schumi's last race before he retires. Alonso leads by two points now and with 3 races to go, Prometheus is having a word with Zeus and other Olympians that Schumi wins this year's crown and makes a record 8 world championship titles.

Long live the Kaiser!

07 September 2006

Poetry 101

You may resort
to a word like thyme
That's because
your thoughts don't rhyme

You must insert line
breaks where they
are least

Poets who
don't aren't

Finally, you could get more
than the arses of lemmings
if you spell your name
like e.e. cummings

05 September 2006

Adieu, Steve

Steve 'Crocodile Hunter' Irwin, the inimitable environmentalist died in a freak accident. He was filming underwater for Ocean's Deadliest when a stingray spiked his heart.

This is one time crocs won't be shedding crocodile tears. Godspeed, you nasty lovable Ozzie.

01 September 2006

Stop Press

World icon Prometheus, who has denied interviews to CNN and Time Magazine and has reportedly turned down a Speilberg offer to make a movie based on him, has given a rare interview to ExpatInterviews.com. It is reported that a woman named Lizza, one of the bosses at ExpatInterviews, has snagged this interview. Both parties deny any relationship between them and maintain that they are 'just good friends'. Lizza was last seen partying with her girlfriends, allegedly celebrating her 'friendship' with Prometheus, while media agents for Prometheus declined to state his whereabouts.

Frenzied fans have stormed www.expatinterviews.com to read their idol's interview on expat life in the UAE. Sprint Telecom is said to be upgrading fiber links to the ExpatInterviews site to keep up with the bandwidth demand. Unconfirmed reports also state that education departments are planning to include Prometheus' interview in school and college textbooks. The interview, a literary masterpiece, is protected under copyright laws and an Ivy League college is rumored to have offered a large sum of money to reproduce it for their management quanbook.