On Marriage

A poetic repartee to the conspiracy afoot to get me married.

I Do, I Will, I Have
By Ogden Nash

How wise I am to have instructed the butler to instruct the first footman to instruct the second footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage; /
I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage./
Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen, /
I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't
sleep with the window open. /
Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between flora and fauna and flotsam and jetsam, /
I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgetsam, /
And he refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or the gas pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate or drown, /
And she says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the windowsill,
it's raining in, and he replies Oh they're all right, it's only raining straight down. /
That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce, /
Because it's the only known example of the happy meeting of the
immovable object and the irresistible force. /
So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat over everything debatable and combatable, /
Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has income and she is pattable. /

---

And a few puns on the subject.

• "Do you take this woman to be your awfully wedded wife?"



• "You may now cuss the bride"

Dedications

I expected the contents of this blog to generate response. I was not let down. But what was surprising was that the most serious response received (verbally) was over the dedications. I stand somewhat corrected and here is the rectified errata.

Yes, the blog is still primarily dedicated to {The Client}, and shall be till time immemorial. Period.

Suhit san, you are chosen to be relegated a few spots behind. I hope I'm forgiven, but it has to be done. {The Client} (90%) and Suhit (10%) got me actually writing, but 'propriety and fairness' aren't a trait of life.

So the corrected dedications are:

• To {The Client}, my Firstest and Bestest Friend.
• To Saidy, my brudder, my alter ego, without whom my life should be mundane.
• To Melly, the sistah gal, for having put up with Saidy.
• To Mohideen, apun ka khas dost.. for some of the coolest interface designs on the planet.
• To Suhit, yeah.. couldn't just cut you out...
• To Milind, my Friend in Misery, my Comrade at Arms.
• To millions more who have (mis)shaped me into who I am.
  

I hope I have poured oil over the storm in a tea cup (Yuck, oily tea?). 'Nuff sed and we get on with the business of writing trash.

PS: (Yes TC, here too) I would appreciate if commentors added their names to the comment instead of being Anonymous.  

Prometheus :: by Prometheus

Prometheus, the Titan, whose name means ‘foresight’, created Man and "... bade him to stand erect and turn his eyes to heaven." [Ovid, Metamorphoses 1.85]

Upon repeated requests by his brother Epimetheus, Prometheus agreed to let him distribute the Gifts among all creation. Epimetheus, devoid of foresight, distributed the gifts randomly among all creation, giving some wings to flee, others tooth and fang to kill, strength to some and speed to some. He gave them resistance to weather and provided for food that some may feed on grass and some on the flesh of others.

And what for Man? There was nothing left. Pained at this injustice toward his most loved creation, Prometheus stole wisdom and art from Hephaestus and Athena and gave it to Man. Most importantly, he stole Fire, that was till then a priviledge of the Olympians, and bestowed it upon Man. For this thievery, Zeus had him chained to a rock on Mount Caucasus where every day an eagle swooped on him and devoured the lobes of his liver, which grew by night as much as the eagle had devoured during the day.

Despite the tyranny of Zeus, Prometheus twice saved his life and position. The first, in the war against the greater tyrant Cronos and later by averting Zeus’ marriage to Thetis that would have resulted in a Nereid offspring destined to overthrow Zeus. Prometheus was then freed from the daily torture upon Mount Caucasus when Heracles finally killed the eagle upon the command of a thankful Zeus. Till that day, Prometheus had suffered his torture for thirty thousand years.

Though mankind dubbed him ‘The Benefactor’, Zeus never gave Prometheus the immortality of a Titan. The centaur Chiron was grievously wounded by Heracles’ arrow. However, being an immortal, he could not die though he wished for it, and would have been condemned to living for an eternity with the wound. Prometheus, the benefactor, offered to take both Chiron’s wound and immortality and Zeus consented.

However, Zeus did not release Prometheus from all binding, since he had sworn to that, but for commemoration bade him bind his finger with stone and iron. And that is why, men adopted the custom of wearing rings fashioned of stone and iron, that they may seem to appease Prometheus.

And having writ moves on...

To what? Too many thoughts, too many things clouding the system.

What does one write on a blog? Some people put poems, others write a diary. I guess I will use it like personal billboard (Environmentalists please note: No trees have been felled to enhance the visibility of this hoarding)

Yeah, doesn't it give us 'creative' types a high to make a statement like 'I'm not doing this for the hoi polloi. This is my personal work of art and I will do as I please with it'?

Maybe that is exactly what I will do. So I guess the best place to start would be to put a

Disclaimer:
'Any semblance to any person alive or living despite being brain dead it purely intentional. Any sensibilities hurt, however, are purely unintentional. No animals were hurt during the making of this blog, though some would be hurt to find uncharitable mention here.’

And a Warning, for good measure:
‘Rated R: Not for immature audiences (that rules out about half the adult population). The author disowns any responsibility in case minds are left scarred for eternity. Please exercise extreme caution as content could be hazardous. Please consult your safety authorities and use proper protective gear.’

And the Dedication:
‘To {The Client}, my Firstest and Bestest Friend, for being who she is.. and for being sweet enough to believe that I could write and that my writing would be fit for public consumption'

And

Link to the Updated Dedications

Having made the crappiest opening ever on a blog (do they have Razzies for blogs?), the Moving Finger Moves on.. to find someone or something else to finger with...